Sunday, September 13, 2009

Douchebagery

While I was cleaning my plastic 29er bicycle this morning I started thinking about all the douchebags I ran into during the course of my Dakota Five-O experience, one in particular. It always amazes me when people step over the line from being polite and cordial and into the world of Douchebagery. Let's start with douchebag no. 1 (pictured below). I don't know who he is, or what his name is, I do remember crossing paths with him at Common Grounds each morning, he's hard to miss at 6'3" with massive chops. I don't even know where he finished other than the fact that it was in front of me.

Anyways, it wasn't too long before he came over to me after the finish and asked me if my bike made it? Huh? Did my bike make it? Kind of an odd question to ask someone you've never spoken to. I responded yeah, it worked great. He proceeded to tell me that pretty much all the Superfly's that had come through his shop had broken.

Okay, so you're saying what?

He then started talking about how big the guys were, 215, 220 pounders. I quickly responded that if you're well into the clydesdale ranks then maybe riding a sub 3 pound frame is a little obsolete. Bottom line, you're a douchebag, go away and let me enjoy the rest of my day.

So let's talk about some of the other douchebags I encountered throughout the course of the day. First let me say that XC mountain bike racing is in it's geeked out phase of HRM's and Powertaps, wattage training and blah, blah, blah. Now don't get me wrong, I've used a heartrate monitor tons in the past and would probably get a power meter if I could afford it, but guys are focusing on the fitness side of things too frickin' much. Some of these guys can't even ride off a 9" step down because they're afraid their wheels might actually come off the ground. Douchebags I say. Get off your road bike and get on some singletrack and acquire some skill.

I only say this because apparently because I only have one gear on my bike you assume I can't go downhill fast. In reality, I have one gear on my bike because I can go downhill fast, and probably faster than you. So next time, don't try to pass me over the top of climb only to hold me up on the backside. Just let me float away from you and when the course turns to your advantage you can pass me back using zone whatever heartrate with a power output of XYZ. Just don't forget to keep an eye over your shoulder because if the descent is long enough I'll be on your ass before you know it.

Sincerely,
The guy that just passed you with one frickin' gear

11 comments:

RD said...

Did you ask him why is his store selling bikes not designed for Clydesdale to Clydesdale? or is it all about the profit margins for him :D
good luck at Durango and have fun

Endurosnob said...

You're such a snob.

hincapa said...

it's fun to enjoy life more than them assholes...

some people have no idea.

MG said...

amen dude... i don't have anything against gears (though i love my singlespeed), but i totally agree that some of these MFs are way too geeked on being fit and are forgetting to learn how to ride their bikes. the process of learning how to ride in itself is fun, and also makes you fit if you play your cards right... amazing, isn't it?

MG said...

btw... i think the word 'douchebagery' is a real wing dinger. nice work. i like that one... might have to start using it myself.

douchebagery... huh. that guy looks like he'd be a douchebag. but then, looking in the mirror, i kinda' look like a douchebag. hmmm...

have a great trip.

Evil Unicorn said...

Maude,

You are pretty good about tootin' your own horn when it comes to your downhill prowess.

Maybe if you went uphill half as as good as you went down, you yould suck half as much as you do now.

When you grow your Franz-Josef, you will qualify as a douchebag?

Mark Studnicki said...

Very well said. Riders getting too fit and going faster than their bike handling skills can handle is an age old problem. Funny to watch, as long as they don't take you out when they crash. I keep fit enough to go over the top of the climbs in front of guys like that, or I just smash into the back of them on the descent and make them crash. Am I a douchbag for doing that?

erik said...

isn't the point of racing to be the fastest douchebag?

at least you have your steel bike in case you ever move to a place with rocky trails and break your carbon frame (not from accidents or clydesness, but from fatigue you silly fiend).

David said...

Hey! A friend sent me a link to your blog because my picture was on it. Sweet! Did you break your frame yet? Why did you not mention the 140 pounders that I told you about (you know in our conversation about your carbon frame)? It is because it would have made me seem like less of a douche bag and you more of one? Why so much hate? I was really just trying to start a conversation. Usually I mention something good about a persons bike to do this but you are on a carbon 29er so I just went with it.

Cheers,

David said...

Forgot to say another Superfly did not make it through that race... Just saying.

Jake said...

Wow, you seem like you're sort of high strung. But you're right Dave is a db, but that's because he doesn't train, drinks PBR before races, and somehow still goes very very fast.